PR - Wheat Kings

Wheat Kings Bloodied, Battered, Bruised, and Beaten by Homicidal Flames

The Wheat Kings never stood a chance. 16:47 into the first period of Game 1, after a series of already questionable incidents perpetrated by the Flames, Janos Vas in an accidental intentional collision went skate first into Kings' goalie Jimmy Howard, gashing Howard's lower neck and leaving a pool of blood staining the still pristine ice of the opening game. Howard, once the bleeding was under control, was rushed to a nearby hospital. Vas, because of the apparent accidental nature of the incident was not even assessed a minor penalty, although he did receive a major after a short tiff with Ray Whitney in which Whitney scored a few solid hay-makers leaving Vas's already grotesque visage even more maligned, Vas like the coward he is turtled on the ice and three refs were required to get Whitney under control. Furthermore, Vas did not receive a suspension because of his star status, it being the playoffs and the inclusivity of the attempted murder.

"I am still shocked," Coach-GM Tyler Young said after game five (the first press conference the Kings held after game one), "we witnessed attempted murder on the ice, most likely premeditated, and nothing comes of it. Calgary PD refuse to investigate the situation, so legal action might not even be pursued. We might try suing through civil court, Vas and the Flames need to pay for this disgrace, somehow. This whole thing has left me disgusted. Thank God Jimmy is ok though, an inch or two higher and this could have been a tragedy."

The Kings valiantly fought on, losing in overtime in game 1 and taking game 2, but the series had already descended into hell. Braydon Coburn and Janos Vas fought nearly every game, the Flames continued their attempts to injure and win by violence, sidelining another star Wheatie Steve Bernier. Needless to say the series was out of control by game four, when the Kings seemed to crack in front of a blood-thirsty home crowd.

"By game four we were running around like maniacs," Mr. Young stated, "we were no longer playing hockey. We got off our game and lost control, and because of that, even more than the injuries and sure as heck through no virtue of their own, the Flames won. I told our guys the best revenge would be to beat those bastards, but I guess they took me a little too literally."

"Anyways, I guess I don't have to say it since it should be obvious, but the Kings will be the #1 fans of the Raiders, Pain, Owls or Saints - whoever can take the Flames down, but let them be forewarned though, their facing a team that will try to win through any means."


Back to the Future

The Wheat Kings will likely be looking to make some major changes this offseason. Players on the market include:

Player PO HD IT SP ST EN DU DI SK PA PC DF SC EX LD OV Ag Salary Y
Josh Hennessy LW L 65 81 72 75 80 77 81 79 77 77 79 55 46 81 24 3,200,000 0
Michael Frolik LW L 76 74 71 88 72 71 81 73 86 74 66 27 31 78 20 600,000 2
Brett Sutter C R 79 84 79 69 50 64 73 67 66 79 63 31 32 75 20* 600,000 2
Michael Lambert RW R 82 94 80 43 37 66 81 79 52 91 67 31 27 77 24 375,000 2
Juuso Puustinen RW R 47 74 67 77 62 48 80 69 71 72 85 28 29 75 20* 600,000 3
Anton Babchuk D L 80 89 67 58 77 99 43 57 60 99 48 35 32 75 24 1,249,999 4
Jordan Bendfeld D R 64 71 66 72 72 55 67 81 74 67 71 27 27 75 20 600,000 2
John de Gray D R 72 63 71 68 70 49 62 58 67 82 53 35 46 72 20 600,000 2
Eetu Heikkinen D L 73 59 64 69 82 71 70 69 64 73 64 43 39 72 21* 750,000 3
Antoine Lafleur G L 92 80 79 77 75 70 78 80 70 2 1 31 61 74 18* 600,000 4