Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Pain - PR

Pain Fire back at Spirited Hacks:
Rumours flying About Big Names Leaving Michigan

With the upcoming parade in the next few days, what should be celebration turned ugly with GM Goodlet and GM Elliot exchanging shots. GM Elliot was Interviewed on TSN by phone late last night. "It makes me sick that GM Goodlet is supporting the actions of his team. It was the Finals of the playoffs but when your gooning guys to win it completely washes away any respect. When you have Mike Fisher who is one of hte grittest guys gets hurt, you really have to wonder what the other teams motives are. Even their fairy players like Kol-nancy is playing with no respect after his suspension from the Redneck series. You know last season I didn't want the summer to end, but now I can't wait to see the schedule to find out when we get a crack at them again. We will haunt them; Payback in Pain. But its over now, we got out alive. Hey whats that saying, threes a charm? I guess 4 is a charm eh Goody ;)" A very emotional playoffs brought the tension to an alltime high.

In other Pain news, reports are that the following players maybe not in a Michigan uniform for next season. (psst. give me your offers) Big names equals, equal returns

60 Jason Ryznar LW L OK 81 73 53 78 89 87 84 70 56 66 88 33 25 76
24 Brendan Witt D L OK 83 71 85 72 85 70 69 60 67 76 53 57 53 77
56 Ed Jovanovski D L OK 78 76 76 87 99 61 73 74 77 78 80 64 66 81
21 Roman Hamrlik D L OK 68 73 77 85 84 72 73 76 79 71 71 84 69 79

My upcoming 1st round draft pick, formly Misconducts 1st. #rd over all w/o draft lottery! This has to go!

Michigan Press

Monday, March 28, 2005

Flames - PR

The Atlanta Flames are set to resume the new season with vengance. The team looks amazing on paper. Every position has been upgraded and NO player in the offseason got worse. Every player got better, through hard conditioning over the offseason. The team now boasts 6 super star players (80+ OV players) and 11 players waiting to breakout (77-79 OV). That is some amazing depth. The Flames' 3rd line has players who could play solid on other team's 2nd lines or even on their 1st lines. It is hard to determine the core of the Flames because they are so young and every player is special.

Some of the bigger names this year are:

Centers:
Jason Allison (81OV); one of the better playmaking centers in the league. He also ripped it up during last season's all-star game.
Petr Dvorak (82OV); one of the best upcoming 2-way centers. He finished 6th overall last year for rookies and was only a few points out of top 3. He worked really hard during the offseason and really improved his game.

Leftwings:
Marian Gaborik (82OV); there is not much to say about Gaborik. He is just purely amazing. He has really worked on his endurance and defense in the osseason. His skills stats are very similar to Jagr and Kovalev, EXCEPT he is 10 years younger. This kid is just scary.
Kyle Calder (80OV); no one does it like Calder on the PP. Last season he lead the league for PP goals. He has really bulked up and will continue to be a gritty scorer, who will stick up for his teammates.

Rightwings:
Rick Nash (81OV); have you ever seen a train play hockey before? Nash is the fastest, strongest, most physical player in the league. Did I mention his passing and scoring is near the top in the league. This kid already resembles Bertuzzi but with mroe power and skill. Scary isn't it...
Nathan Horton (79OV); Not much was expected out of Horton but his off season training was probably the best out of the bunch. The kid has dedication. During the offseason he trained with Gaborik and Horton is now close to Gaborik's skill level. That is just sick.

The defense is led by Kaberle, Redden, Stuart, Van Ryn, and the newest addition of Ramholt. Ramholt has an amazing shot. Its scary when 3 out of your top 4 defenseman boast passing around the 80 mark. The Flames PP looks like it will remain top in the league.

The Flames have also decided to stick with Boucher as the #1 goalie. He improved over the offseason and was a .500 goalie playing under a team with no chemistry last year. If Lalime can drive to the playoffs, there is no reason why Boucher cannot do it as well.

Dare to look at the Flames roster, it is quick sick. Even the farm team has solid prospects at every position with 2 first rounders and 4 second round picks in the next 2 years. Did I mention 1/2 the team is 20 years old or younger? :P

The Flames future has never looked so bright.

PS - Ptarick, GM of the team has also went through counselling in the offseason and now has grater control over himself. He has received help and will not make 25+ trades like last season.

Pain - PR - TFHL CHAMPIONS!

BACK TO BACK CHAMPIONSHIPS!
PAIN ON BRINK OF DYNASTY

Detroit Michigan:
Last night, the Michigan Pain captured their second TFHL Cup in as many seasons. They stomped the Guelph Spirit 5 - 2 in the 7th and deciding game. Mike Fisher scored his 9th in the first period to what amounted to the eventual Cup winning goal. The series was a most entertaing and gruling affair. The Spirit shocked the Pain in the first game by a score of 3-1.
However the Pain won the next three games in which all three times Patrick Lalime was pulled. The Spirit fought back by forcing a game 7. In the eventual championship game, Patrick Lalime was again pulled after letting in 5 goals. The hype around the series was if the Pain would be able to beat the red hot Lalime. Ironically in last years finals, the same question was said about Curtis Joseph. Well it turns out that both could not handle the high heat. The Series turned ugly in game 2. Weiss ejected fromt he game after charging at Eric Daze. Daze was fine but the intent to injury was there. Game three saw a ruthless cross-check by Joni Pitkanen. He was suspened for his check to the head on Comrie. Again the Spirit's ugly head surfaced in game 4 with Dion Phaneuf's ill use of a stick on Mike Fisher's face. Fisher had to leave the game but before it ended tempers flew as a few blows were exchanged. Phaneuf in game 5 attempted to injure Yashin but was given a game misconduct for his temper. In game 6 Hamrlik was clipped in the eye by an errant Hossa, and Hamrlik needed stiches. In game 7 on the first shift, Yashin hooked
Hossa down and drew a penalty. Hossa then swung his stick and Yashin defended himself by clipping Hossa in the face. Hossa would not return and Yashin was ejected on a contraversal call.

Press Conference

After the game, GM Elliot had a few comments to make. "I am extremely proud to be apart of the this organization on a history making day. To win once in this league is amazin but to win back to back TFHL Cups is amazing. We are the second team in history to accomplsih this and the 4th team to win 2 championships. We plan on continuing this success next year and creating a team for the ages. I can not say enough about our guys. Everyone of them is a work horse; everyone gave it their all. What can I say about the Daze, Yash, and Pail line. They dominated the playoffs; Yashin missing the playoff record of most points by a few. Hamrlik and Markov were warriors on defence for us. Fisher played unbelievable grit hockey, with some big hits. We were sure glad to get Roenick for the playoff run. We decided to pick JR up from the Apocalypse and boy did he come threw. We have to thank GM Sykes for the opportunity. This year is differnet because we won 3 seventh games to win the championship. Last year we never faced elmination once and never lost 2 games in a row. This year we alomst tied the goals scored in a playoff series record. I have to admit that the Spirit's managment decsions were superior. The coaching strategy was tricky at times to compete against. With that said I am a little dissapointed with the Spirit's goon play. They went out to take us out, literally. No one said it wasn't going to be a battle, but they turned it into a war. Well its amazing and we will cherish this Cup but we better make it three!"

BELOW - PICTURES
1. TFHL CUP
2. JR scores on Lalime in game 3
3. Hossa takes JR's legs out with no penalty call
4. A degected Lalime as he gets pulled for the 4th time in the series. The
Offensive Terror could not be stopped!
5. The players piled on the ice when the game ended
6. Vinny holding the holy grail

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Pain - PR

The Michigan Pain advanced past the Achaeans to the Western Conference Finals.

The Pain easily handled the Achaeans in 5 games. With a minute and a half left in the 5th game of the series, Yashin scored to send home the Achaeans for the second straight year. Vegas had the Achaeans as the favourites; they predicted a 6 game win for the Achaeans. The 'godly' predictions were wrong, and the wave of offensive Terror moves on to face the Ice. GM Elliot had some thoughts on the Achaeans series. "The news may make it seem like we beat the Achaeans easily but trust me on it, we worked hard for every win. They have many superstars, which was hard to contain. With that said, every player went out and played his role perfectley. With the contracts the Achaeans players have, we won't see the last of them." GM Elliot was then questioned on the comments made by GM Butchart. "What kind of godly herb has he been smoking? I have no idea what he is talking about? Sometimes I wonder..."

PAIN TO FACE ICE

For the second straight year, the Pain and Ice will square off to battle for the right to represent the West in the TFHL Cup Finals. What is ironic about this statement is GM Elliot told the press after last seasons series victory that the Pain would not see the last of the Ice. The Ice are built young, and it is at no surprise that they are in the Conference championships again. It will be the battle of offence vs defence again. Last year the offence was to much even for the stingy Ice. With subtle improvements this year, the Pain pack more punch. GM Elliot made some cracks at the Ice "They will be extremely tough to beat. I think if we stiick to our game plan we can come out of this series with four wins. The Ice play a style which is almost unique to the league. They play so defensively that I hope they don't forget that to win they have to score goals as well. We are ready to go, we will shoot till we break down the mighty Ice Wall."

Michigan Press

p.s. To whom it may concern: I think we skated around you :)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Achaenans - PR

"Hey there Mr. Brown Shoes, how about that local sports team?" That's the current talk in downtown Ayton these days. Not surprisingly, 3 people fill downtown Ayton. Regardless of the size of this bustling metropolis, there is a very good local sports team, the Ayton
Achaeans.

Since the league has undergone revamping, the team has finished second twice. No one seems to remember what position the team finished in last year due to the local newspaper printing press burning to the ground. This season saw the locals finish a measly 2 points behind divisional rival and President's Trophy winning Wheat Kings. They would have finished first, if it wasn't for those darn Flames and their dog.

The team has also enjoyed its first playoff series win in the new format. Even though it was a sweep, the Renegades put up a tough fight.

Now they are in a very tough series against a very strong, and defending champs, the Michigan Pain. Recently, rival GM Elliot made some disparaging remarks about the Achaeans, mostly about their age: "I think they are so old we will just be skating around them like nobodies business...". This seems odd, since the Pain are only 2 years younger on average. GM Elliot
should also take note of where the Achaeans finished in the regular season.

When asked about these comments, GM Butchart had this to say: "Senile, eh? Bucktoothed am I? Boney arms are they? Liver spots did I? Chinless will you!? We'll show this team that last season is last season. We may be down a game, but it still takes 4 games to win get to the next round. There's still lots of hockey left in this series, and we have a great mix of exuberant youth and learned experience to get to the next round".

Regardless, whichever team is able to get out of this round has a terrific chance of getting to the finals, but they will have to get past further tough competition in either the Ice or Wheat Kings.

Ayton Advocate

Saturday, March 05, 2005

TFHL14: Round 2 Play-Off Preview - By Tyler Young

Playoff Preview - Round 2

Eastern Conference

Rednex vs Saints
Talk about a Pyrhic victory: the Saints pull off the upset of the tourney by knocking out the 'Canes in seven, only to lose their superstar Jason Spezza for the rest of the playoffs and their #1 goalie, Ilya Bryzgalov, for at least two games. Do you believe? Can the little Saints topple the might Rednex? No. The Nex have too much offensive talent not to take advantage of the Saints spotting them a couple games. However, here is a thought - what if Pascal Leclaire gets called-up and actually plays up to his talent? The Saints may just have a prayer. Rednex in five.


Spirit vs Owls
Well, I won't doubt the Spirit again. Patrick Lalime was solid in the first round and sits behind a team that has a number of gifts - however, Zach Parise will miss the next one to two games, but that shouldn't diminish the Spirit. The Owls got out of the first round thanks to their offence, and Mike Modano was not even that effective. The Owls' problem is in net: can Felix Potvin out-play Patrick Lalime? Spirit in seven.


Western Conference

Wheat Kings vs Ice
Well 'toonians can't complain about the action their gettin'. The Ice quickly dispatched their cross-town rival, the Blades, in four games and now face off against another 'toon-town team, the Wheat Kings. The secret of the Ice success was evident in the first series, allowing on four goals against. The Wheat Kings, a much more two-sided machine, got out of their first series by virtue of their offense. This series is interesting in that it involves two of the most defensive teams in the league, yet the Kings will not be able to play at that level unless their All-World goalie Roberto Luongo starts to perform as he can. On the other side, the Ice have superstar in net with Martin Biron, but their offense is somewhat suspect, especially facing the might of the Kings. This one is a tight call, someone will take it in six, I'll say the Wheaties.


Achaeans vs Pain
The struggle of the Titans and the Olympians ensues - either of these teams could win the cup, but first they must cast the other guy into Tartarus. The Achaeans emerged from a light series against the Renegades and should be well rested. The Pain on the other hand are coming-out of an excrutiating experience battling the Blackhawks. Some might see their long battle with the 'Hawks as a sign of weekness, but the defending champs likely pulled the toughest first round cookie when they had to face-off against them. The Pain are suprisingly well rested and ready to go. An interesting story may be in net, where Dan Cloutier was solid in the first round, while Vezina possibility J-S Giguere was somewhat questionable. Achaeans in six.



Results Round 1:
Rednex vs Colt 45 - Rednex in four --- Rednex in six
Owls vs Clubbers - Owls in five --- Owls in six
Hurricanes vs Saints - Canes in six --- Saints in seven
Spirit vs Aces - Aces in five --- Spirit in five (well at least I had the games right)

Wheat Kings vs Canucks - Wheat in six --- Wheat in five
Achaeans vs Renegades - Achaeans in four --- Achaeans in four
Pain vs Blackhawks - Pain in six --- Pain in seven
Blades vs Ice - Ice in six --- Ice in four

Team Perfect
6/8 1/8

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Aces - PR

Holy Spirit! Aces fold faster than Superman on laundry day
By Kent C. Wright, Chepstow Times


Despite a quick and decisive start to the best-of-7 TFHL quarter finals, the Aces quickly faltered as the Spirit woke up and won the next 4 games straight.

It was a close series, and although the Aces out shot the Spirit in every game except game 5, they just couldn't find a way to win.

GM Dave Walter said after the game that although he was disappointed, he was happy with the performance of his young stars. "Although we lost, I'm excited about the future of this team. We've got a great mix of youth and enthusiasm that is sure to make us serious contenders going into next season".

Walter also commented that the Aces were going to spend the off season evaluating the team's strengths and weaknesses, and making moves where necessary to plug any holes that are evident.